Tonight, just a few minutes ago, I was watching a youtube video on we Christians who experience strong sexual urges (https://youtu.be/p-pkZzp6m9k). And watching and listening to it finally put the finger on what urges lay behind those sexual urges.
What did that finger on the matter reveal?
For the longest time, since I was a kid, and I'm 62 years old now, I could label, did not know how to label what my deepest, the most innate emotional need was.
My deepest, most innate emotional need is to feel, to know, to experience myself being loved and wanted as a human being, as a human spirit, as a man.
I asked God to satisfy them, to fully and finally satisfy my deepest, innate needs for being loved and wanted in these ways. Yes, Sex matters, and I long for it deeply. But there's a right way to satisfy it. But behind those sexual needs lies the master need, to be loved and wanted.
How do I know that this is my deepest, most innate emotional need?
Because having it and not knowing how to define it, to have it rip my soul apart, every day to the point of numbness, to see others around me have that same need in them satisfied enough, well, my frustration with this unmet and unlabeled need, it was me carrying Hell inside me everywhere I went and know why. There were times that I tried to convince myself, lying to myself and telling myself that Love didn't even exist. That's how badly warped I was emotional. That's how desperate I felt.
Being able to call it, label it, define it as I need my need to God's throne, and ask Him to satisfy it, to heal the parts of my inside soul being scorched by that Hell I carried inside, that made me unable to stomach rejection by other people, decades after my last rejection by someone else, this was a liberation for me, of the deepest kind.
You too can have it. Money can not give it to you. Sex will not do it. You'll be as dissatisfied after the sex as you were before the sex. Ego trips won't satisfy that need. Only God can. Without God, that need, that urge, it can only be numbed and numbed only temporarily and not deeply.
